Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Freak Hamburger Explosion

My brother Brian was grilling burgers last Saturday.
The propane tank exploded.
His screen door evaporated.
His brick siding obtained trendy new flame marks.
His legs were cooked from piggies to sausage.
Time will tell.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Plane on way to being Lost

Staff Sgt. Bartek Bachleda spots a fuel leak on a civilian aircraft on a flight from Chicago to Narita airport, Japan. Sergeant Bachleda alerted the pilots and aircrew about the leak, and the ranking pilot made the decision to divert the flight to San Francisco. Sergeant Bachleda is a 909th Air Refueling Squadron boom operator at Kadena Air Base, Japan.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Today, I Was Accosted By A Shoggoth

I was not looking for Old Ones or waiting on a call from Cthulhu.
It just happened. Well anyway, there ya go.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

News Service Priorities - A Sign Of The Times

Associated Press

ARLINGTON, Va. – It's like this: When you want a burger, you have to have a burger. In this state of mind, President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden took a short — but wholly noticeable — motorcade ride from the White House to Virginia and pulled into a small, independent burger joint called Ray's Hell Burger.
The two leaders went right up to the counter where the meat was being grilled and ordered.
Each fetched cash from his pocket and paid, and then the pair stood like the rest and waited for their number to be called before going to a table.
The restaurant, which prides itself on premium aged 10-ounce burgers, sits in a small strip plaza. The burgers sell for $6.95.

This is a top news story. It's like this: We are fucking doomed.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Just because there is nothing important going on in the country

The Supreme Court ordered a federal appeals court reconsider a ruling that threw out a $550K fine against CBS for Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl half time show in 2004.

This "offense" happened 5 years ago.

You've Been Lookin For God In All The Wrong Places...

And if these words you do not heed
Your pocketbook just
kinda might recede
When some man comes along and
claims godly need
He will clean you out
right through your

That's right, remember
there is a big
difference between kneeling down
and bending over...
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account...
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah

He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for the use of his
Special Friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a Wembley Tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah

At the House of Representatives
He's a groovy guy...
When he Gives Thanks
He is not alone...

He is dealin'
He is really dealin'
IRS Can't determine
Where The Hook is

It is easy with the Bible
To pretend that
You're in Show Biz

They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did

It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid

He's got Presidential Help
All along the way

He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do

And the Govenors agree to say:
"He's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!

'Cause he helps put
The Fear of God
In the Common Man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE CHURCHES!)
You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE FUCK OUT OF THE CHURCHES!)
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man...oh yeah

Friday, May 1, 2009